Hullo thar again.
Sorry about the delay in the final segment of the thread. I moved house and had allot of shit to get wired, but now that all of that is taken care of; Im free to finish this bitch.
Sadly, this will not be the most enthralling of the megathread posts. We didn't end the trip with a bang, but instead a long, drawn out fart.
Trondheim is dull.
We spent most of the day wandering around looking desperately for shit to do. We attempted to play pool in our hotel only to discover....
NO MOTHERFUCKING POCKETS AND ONLY 3 BALLS?!
What kind of ghetto billiards was this? We looked it up on the internet and apparently its some old form of billiards where you have to bank the ball off 2 corner pockets in order to score points.
Fuck that shit.
We strolled around old town, ate an average breakfast and and an average lunch and saw all the same things we had seen the day before. We managed to find a few hidden gems, such as fag school and out of nowhere a fucking stormtrooper.....
Then we somehow found ourselves outside the Trondheim museum of history. Why the fuck not?
There was a cool, yet painfully small, amount of Viking goodies and a whole bunch of worthless shit like a whole floor dedicated to Afghanistan of all places. Im in fucking Trondheim. I want to learn about Trondheim! If i wanted to learn about the middle east id be standing with a kebab in one hand and a Qur'an in the other, smack in the middle of a museum in the motherfucking middle east.
This museum fucking sucked, and cost a retarded fucking fortune to enter. We saw everything inside of an hour and left poorer and somehow LESS educated than when we went in....
Luckily there was another bowling alley just outside of the place. We had no interest in bowling tho. No, this time our interests lie elsewhere...
We played billiards for a good while and then headed back to the house. On the way i turned on Linda to try and pre-program her for tomorrows drive to the airport, but she simply refused to work. I would open her up, and she would get to the main map view for a few seconds and then out of nowhere, simply close herself. I tried and tried, but every fucking time i ended up staring at my homescreen. It was time to take drastic action.
I murdered her.
I uninstalled her and wept, while crying out "WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THIS?! IT DIDN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY?!"
Then i re-downloaded her from the app store and she was as plucky and responsive as she had been on the first day. A clone with her memory erased. Ive seen enough movies to know that nothing bad could possibly come from this situation so i happily asked her to guide us somewhere for dinner, which she did so happily, accurately and obligingly.
We ate in an Indian restaurant because we were sick of Norwegian food. We sat by a window on the 2nd floor and with our wonderful dinner we had an equally wonderful view of an uber drunken street fight across the road from us. There was broken bottles, pants falling off, blood everywhere. It was fantastic and all of it in super slow motion due to the MASSIVE drunkenness of the participants.
We also noticed the waiting staff were very nervous and slightly over attentive. Always asking if we needed more or if everything was alright. We attributed it to a combination of Indian social awkwardness and he fact that we were English speakers - But no. On the way out they mentioned that today was their grand opening and we were their first customers ever. It was a little weird.
After that we went home and slept.
The following morning, i asked the new Linda to guide us on our final journey and off we went to the Trondheim airport. It was just at the very end of the trip, as we approached a roundabout, that new Linda proved to us that she was old Linda and it was all a trap.
"Take the first exit" she tells us, "Matter of factly".
Nice try Linda....
Anyhow, we arrived without literally going to Hell and i checked the trip computer for the final tally.
2163.5 motherfucking kilometers driven. (or for those of you who prefer an archaic and retarded system of measurement; 1344.336577 miles)
We saluted the mighty Tor one final time and left him forever. I also immediately stabbed down on the "delete" button with all the strength and speed i could muster, in an attempt to per-emptivley murder Linda once and for all. God knows that if she were ever to strike, the time was then. I survived.
After our 2 comrades were laid to rest, we headed into the place where we were expected to return the keys. It was early on a Sunday morning in the tiny Trondheim airport and everything was closed. INCLUDING our friggen place.
We were told to be here before 10am on the dot of face paying for another full day and there was nobody fucking here! Just an empty office and a note on the door telling us to stick the keys in the mailbox!
Because of these lies, we were forced to spend 4 hours in this small hellhole. We made the best of it by browsing the stores and enjoying that wonderful "innocent nordic racism" that you will see below. We also spent time playing in the children's area and we found an awesome "multichurch" room with a little bit of every religion.... You know... Just in case you need a quick word with your respective deity before takeoff. We played the piano for a good while.
You better believe i brought that Che Gueviking keychain....
Anyhow, we planed to the cultural powerhouse of eastern Europe that is Estonia, where we promptly caught the 3 hour ferry across to Finland.
Russo wanted a photo of himself so that he could tell everyone that he had been to Estonia (because nobody who matters ever will).
And that was it folks. We caught the ferry home and collapsed in pure travel exhaustion.
What a ride huh?
Lets finish up with a nice sunset.....
OH SHIT SON!!!
You thought i had forgotten about the ROADTRIP BEARD challenge didn't you?
Neither of us shaved for the entire time. This was the ending result and i think i did pretty well for myself considering Russo had a massive head start.
I totally won.