The second to last day and the final of the megathreads is upon us.
We woke up bright and early and walked down to the docks. Its was time to get on a boat, motherfucker. We were taking a 2 part ferry ride; First to the ancient monastery of Panormitis and then after that to the island town of Symi. The boat ride took about 2 hours to our first destination, most of which passed without anything worth talking about. We were on a boat motherfuckers, don’t you ever forget. There were dolphins spashin, getting everybody all wet, but it wasn’t seaworld motherfuckers, it was as real as it gets.
As you can see, as we passed a few mountainous islands the view improved drastically. We passed through a narrow inlet and rounded a corner into an open area where the monastery sits. It was pretty awesome.
We got off the boat and poked around. There were monastery kitties everywhere and the monks were all really nice. They get visitors twice every day at around the same time from these boats, so they weren’t uptight about weirdos walking around their houses and sticking their noses into shit.
The place had an amazingly well preserved cathedral, within which photography was forbidden (lol), which I photographed for you as well as all manner of monkey things, including a badass collection of their old manuscripts, weapons and jewellery from ages past.
And that was that.
We spent only 2 hours there, but it was more than enough time to see everything. Its just an awesome little monastery on an isolated island with less than 100 inhabitants.
Back in the boat, we headed out for Symi.
After an hour or so of boating, we arrived at our primary destination; Symi. Symi is a really cool place. Its a beautiful town on a very small island, built up onto a huge cliff. Its extremely exclusive and houses here cost a complete asstonne of cash. There are very few hotels on the island and all of them also mock the very concept of “affordable”.
We got off the boat and dived into the nearest cafe for dinner. So expensive.... But so hungry....
That was the worst meal ive ever eaten while dining out, anywhere. I’m not kidding. My girlfriend ordered a toasted sandwich with chips. How can you fuck that up? The sandwich itself was ok.... Bread + tomato + cheese. But the dish itself came with CHIPS. Literally chips! In the world outside the US of A, “fries” are refereed to as “chips”, so we figured fries. But no, there were actually potato chips, pringles style, poured onto her fucking plate next to the god damned sandwitch!
And my food? I ordered a burger...... When it arrived, there was a beef patty, tomato and onion and some french fries. Thats it. No sauce, no seasoning and NO FUCKING BUN!!!! Not to mention, it was a cheap, store bought, frozen beef patty.
Fuck that guy. We decided to forget all about that meal by walking up the ancient staircase to the top of the hill. 450 steps in the sweltering heat. Goddamit.
Fucking made it! I am the king of the motherfucking castle, bitches!
The view from up here was spectacular and it became evident that the large majority of the population lived up the top here and then down the cliff-side. There were no roads for vehicles anywhere. The only way up and down was via the stairs everywhere. There be no overweight people in this city, let me tell you.
We walked up further, wanting to get to the church that sits on the very apex of the mountain.
The church was cool, but locked up tight with nobody around whatsoever. We suspected it was siesta time, and didn’t press the issue. We simply enjoyed the view and then decided to make our way down some other way, if possible. Thus, I went about plotting a route as I found it, under the proviso that as long as I was going down flights of stairs, I was doing something right.
After our 2nd or 3rd double back, I took another path past a local school when I...... Is that?....
MOTHER OF GOD
Fuck that place. Downward ho!
Aaaaaaaaand we made it. Ground floor, bitches. We had enough time left on our schedule to relax for a bit and rehydrate in some random cafe before jumping back on the boat. This time, seeing as we had already seen the scenery and were feeling a little crispy, we went inside the boats inner decks (something we had neglected to do the first time) and discovered the grandma of the boating family. She sat inside in her corner spot with a fat fucking cat, whos name I cant recall any longer, who sat on the boat.... Being a cat.
And that was that. We went home and made ready for dinner. During the boat ride home, I had whipped out my smartphone and decided to do a little investigating to find out where I simply MUST go for my last night in Rhodes.
I settled on a highly recommended place called Kosta's Taverna. We walked in, with the whole family of in laws, and were greeted by a thin, frail old man (Possibly Kosta?) he came out of the kitchen to greet us and seat us. This evening was by far, the most bizarre and possibly best dining experience ive ever had.
He was the only man there. This place had a singular fucking 70 year old employee, on a Saturday night.
Fuck the haters – This guy was up to the challenge. He was super friendly, always smiling and joking. There was only one other table before us, and 2 more arrived as we ate. This guy helped us pick food and whatnot and the poor old bastard was fucking “flat out” to use an Aussie euphemism. He had to run around, serve us, other people, cook food, present it and do the dishes. So, naturally, it took fucking forever – but we didn’t care, he kept bringing us bread and salad to make up for it. He also managed to forget half our order, so it didn’t come in one go – But none of us cared.... I was actually temped to roll up my sleeves and hit the kitchen with him, but I think he would have taken offence.
Not to mention, this food. This fucking food. It was absolute god tier. The greatest Greek salad ive ever eaten in my life. All of our meals were so good, the wait for the other half of them was made bearable because we all shared the food amongst ourselves.
A man seated behind us made a quip about him forgetting something else and we all laughed. I detected his Aussie accent and struck up a conversation with the old guy. He attested that his calamari was the best he has ever eaten in his life.
After the meal was done with, I stood up and walked into the kitchen to do business with the man of the hour. This was the best part, because I then had to negotiate the bill.
He hadn’t written down a single thing and together we had to recant from memory exactly what was eaten. He then whipped up a price and did some fancy math on his paper, and found a total and then offered to lower the total for his slow service.
Fuck that shit, you can have the original total plus a fucking tip. Grandpa, you are my fucking hero.
After we left, I got about ¾ home with I made a horrible realisation, I had left my godamned camera at the restaurant. So, I returned to find him slaving away in the dishes. He was pleased to see me return, but told me it wasn’t needed. He had somehow figured out which fucking hotel we were staying at and his sister is a cleaner there and had passed on the camera to her to be delivered to my fucking room the following morning.
What a champ.
The next day we were scheduled to leave by plane in the late afternoon, so I decided I wanted another milkshake from that awesome little cafe with the olive preparation. We returned to find mamma and son, and this time, grandpa was there.
This fucking grandpa.
He pulls up a seat with us to converse in English, because it is a hobby of his.
I shit you not – We sat with this man for 3 fucking hours, just talking. Well.... Him talking and me nodding my head as I took in new information. We talked about everything. He told me how the Greek economic situation is an evil conspiracy by the Germans to turn Greece into a European china. I learned how olives are grown and prepared. I learned that the people from Crete were the toughest Greeks and otherwise people in the whole world. I learned how shitty Russians and English people were. I learned how all English people were poor, uneducated, drunken hooligans. I learned this while a British couple were sitting in the cafe and they interjected into the conversation to tell us not all English were like that and stormed off in a huff of offence. I learned about alley cats and the history of cats in Greece...... I learned everything and we hung out with their cat Fonis once again.
Here is grandpa and Fonis.
I also became, yet again, agonisingly sick just at the moment of needing to take the bus to the airport. I have never had to hold in such a painful shit for so long, with so much effort. People on the bus were looking at me with obvious consearn..... It was great. Everyone loves almost shitting themselves in a public venue.
And thats it.